Another take on health care...

There seems to be a lot going on in the larger feminist blogosphere these days, and I've been following one issue in particular. Feministe explains it here, but in short, a transsexual woman blogger moved to New Orleans and attempted to locate a trans-friendly health care provider. She found the New Orleans Women's Health Clinic, which explicitly stated that it did not provide medical services for women who were assigned male at birth, and the blogger contacted them about some dodgy statements on their website. The clinic responded here.

I've been thinking about this in relation to our own community in South Dakota. This post, oft-linked on Dakota Women when discussing Leslee's shenanigans, includes a truly disturbing story of a lawsuit filed against Sanford Hospital (then Sioux Valley) by a trans woman who claimed she was denied treatment there for complications after having genital surgery. Anecdotally, a friend told me about a drag queen at Touchez (RIP) who fell and broke her hip while performing, who literally crawled off-stage and removed all makeup and female attire, and changed into "male" clothes before the ambulance arrived. The person who told me about this thought it was a funny story, but I thought - geez, there's some real distrust of the medical system among trans and gender variant folks in Sioux Falls. And rightfully so. My sense is that this is the tip of the iceberg with regard to trans people and health care in SD.

So, I guess this is a general call to our readers - has the situation improved in South Dakota? I once vaguely heard that Planned Parenthood staff received training on trans health care needs - is this the case? Was this ever communicated to trans communities?

Perhaps identifying trans-friendly health care providers is a project for one of our awesome but overextended LGBT or women's organizations to take on. It would meet a long overdue need, certainly.

Welcome the new ACLU blog to the neighborhood!

Make sure to check out ACLU South Dakota's new blog A Little Liberty on the Prairie. I look forward to some great civil liberties themed blogging in days to come!

Generic EC to hit shelves in August

This is good news for the ladies: Emergency Contraception will be available as a generic (as opposed to Plan B) starting August 24, sold as Next Choice.

This is great news, since getting access to EC in the past has often partly been a financial issue. Depending on where someone purchases it, Plan B costs around $50-$60. It would be great to get some competition out there to reduce costs (and therefore increase access).

Capitalism at its finest, folks.

Campbell and Buehner Being Awarded for Courage

I was happy to see today that the Ballot Initiative Strategy Center, which does work on progressive ballot measures (and helps defeat regressive ones like Measure 11), is giving one of its 2009 Ballies Awards to our very own Tiffany Campbell and Dr. Marv Buehner, "for never backing down from their brave and vocal opposition to a South Dakota abortion ban."


It's nice to see some recognition for two very deserving folks in the movement in South Dakota. Congrats to both!

The Measure of a Man

Hat tip to Cory, who has the intestinal fortitude to read blogs that I'm pretty sure none of us at Dakota Women bother with.

Bob Ellis (no linking to hate sites on DW) has added a couple of items to Todd Epp's exhaustive list of what makes a real man - which Kelsey outlined below. We learn from Bob that:

1. Real men DO NOT volunteer at homeless shelters

and

2. Real men DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY do NOT have anything to do with curtains. Real men most likely have to avoid windows and the things people hang over windows altogether (washing windows - how girly! hanging curtains - real men would never!). In fact, real men probably live in caves with their chainsaws as their only companions, fighting bears and wolves for their very survival, rendering windows and curtains irrelevant.

(Since Ellis is way too dense to get this - guess what! The manly photos of Reagan and Bush II that set your heart a-flutter were just as staged as the photo of Obama hanging curtains at a homeless shelter. I can guarantee that Reagan and Bush spent less time doing "real work" on their ranches than Obama does in homeless shelters. Duh.)

It is probably too much to ask someone who believes that Earth is five thousand years old to engage in any kind of critical thinking process, but I just thought I'd throw that out there.

More from the He Man Woman Haters Club

Jesus H. Christ. As much as Todd Epp claims to be so distressed by the 'vicious' attacks against him, you'd think he'd quit writing ridiculous stuff that simply begs more viciousness. His latest post is one of the greatest combos of offensive and delusional I've seen outside of SibbyOnline. Check this tripe out:

Soft males are too much in touch with their female side. Sometimes you have to be a warrior. Sometimes you have to be a protector. Sometimes you have to accept adversity and privation and not bitch about it. Everything is not a Kumbya sing-a-long where we hold hands and say how special we all are. Sometimes it takes a Max Hawk to grab you by the facemask, kick you in the butt, and tell you to out there and get the damn job done.

I've noticed some men my age and younger don't like to hear that. They whine and complain. They'd rather not get their hands dirty or yelled out. They have "feelings." I see that with my 14 year old son's male peers. No one challenges them and has expections for them as that is too "mean" and not the way feminized men behave in the 21st Century.

Seriously? Soft males? Feminized men?? I feel like this had to have either been copied out of a Focus on the Family newsletter or a high school health textbook from the 1950s. I won't even get into the hypocrisy of someone who claims to believe in equality for women and the LGBT community wallowing in such shallow and outdated stereotypes -- let's just focus on the hypocrisy of Todd trying to cast himself as the tough "red blooded" hard (I presume) male. Not whining and bitching? Taking responsibility for your actions? Please. I cannot even believe that after the comment deleting, moping and complaining, total SHIT FIT he had, Todd could possibly have the balls to insinuate that some guys talk too much about their feelings. Dear readers, you don't even know the half of the hysterical rampage that took place outside of the blogosphere simply because Todd couldn't take a little criticism about his content. I suppose it's only fitting that someone with such delicate sensibilities would try to make himself feel better by questioning the masculinity of others, but I'm still honestly astounded.

You know, I really feel bad about holding back against Todd and asking other bloggers to do the same because I was honestly worried about him. Go ahead everyone -- we don't want him to assume we think he's soft!!

More on appearance vs. ability...

On NPR's website, former Sleater-Kinney guitarist/singer Carrie Brownstein discusses press coverage of The Gossip and their lead singer Beth Ditto, which focuses almost entirely on Beth Ditto's weight, rather than her undeniable talent. She looks at a review by Elizabeth Day of The Guardian, which mentions Ditto's weight and body size throughout, and even uses food metaphors to describe the band (Beth is compared to cheese, while the band is compared to a club sandwich).

(For those of you not in the know, The Gossip is an American band that has achieved notoriety in certain circles in the U.S., but who are now out-and-out celebrities in the U.K. and much of the rest of Europe. You can go to the link posted above to see photos and videos of Beth and The Gossip in action.)

I can vouch for The Gossip's talent. I saw them at the Red and Black Cafe in Portland, OR, in about 2000 - probably the best live show I've ever seen. It's hard to describe their energy, but by the end of their set, literally everyone in the audience was dancing (and, for that matter, drenched in sweat from being packed into a tiny venue, but that's another story).

Brownstein's argument is here:

Maybe Day is jealous that Beth Ditto can be herself and be famous. And the reason Ditto is famous is that she's incredibly talented, not to mention unique. Perhaps Day, like many of the other people obsessing over and writing incessantly about Ditto's weight, are experiencing the sad realization that most of us have bought in to a certain idealized version of beauty, so much so that we're willing to starve ourselves, skip meals, politely decline dessert and feel intense shame and scrutiny about our bodies. Moreover, and certainly there is truth to this, we feel like in order to be successful we need to look a certain way. And then here comes Beth Ditto, proving that the combination of talent, confidence and just not giving a s--- trumps all. So what does Day do? She looks at Beth Ditto and thinks of a club sandwich. Why? Because she probably wishes she could eat 10 of them a day and still keep her job.

Unrealistic beauty standards do terrible harm to men and women, boys and girls. I thought we were getting close to having a discussion about that on the SD blogosphere, but we've kind of shied away from it again. It's a complicated issue, but worth discussing, I think.

Women and morality

I hope not to alienate one of our few allies in the world of SD political blogs, but this post on Madville Times and the subsequent comments are interesting enough to me to merit a response. Cory suggests that Pastor(?) Hickey earns some "feminist credentials" for being the first to notice the sexism inherent in Todd Epp's 'babe' postings. While Hickey denies being a feminist, he expounds on his view of women in a fashion that is, to my mind, distinctly anti-feminist.

Hickey shares some of what he teaches the women who attend his church - that they are "'more refined' as in fine china," and "fashioned" by God with "more creativity and attention to detail" than men, since, according to the creation story, Adam was created from dust.

Literally ever since American feminists met and organized for the first time to articulate a platform of political and social equality, they've fought notions like Hickey's. 'Fine china' has no place in the real world - it should be protected behind glass, put on a pedestal to be displayed and admired (remember what started the latest 'blog war' in the first place?), and brought out only on special occasions. It's the same old saw that the earliest feminists heard - women (particularly white, native-born women) were too delicate to participate in the electoral process, attend college, work in the professions, exercise vigorously, ad nauseum.

And it's what pro-choice women and men hear today from Hickey and his followers - that women are too fragile to make good decisions about themselves and their reproductive lives, and need to be saved from making a decision they'll regret later. That womens' bodies, lives, and futures aren't really our own, and that others (religious officials, politicians, husbands, fathers, men generally) are the people who are qualified to make choices for us. To be clear, though - this isn't just about abortion - in one of the best blog posts on the 2008 election Rebecca at Flying Tomato Farms expressed the connection between anti-abortion laws and women's public lives better than I ever could.

So, you know - kudos to Hickey for calling out Todd's posts (I didn't pay attention to Epp's blog then and don't now), but let's try to scale back the hyperbole as we (re-)hash recent events. Hickey's teachings serve no purpose but to limit women's opportunities and deny us equality - in public life, within the family, and with deeply personal issues like contraception and abortion.

Some things that suck about the blogosphere...

I was having lunch with a friend today and trying to explain why I both like the internet and the blogosphere and all that it has wrought, and at the same time think the critics might be right about its part in the decline of civility and human interaction. I still have hopes for the former, but the the last few days have been a real example of the latter.

Honestly, the objectification of women through the media or porn or bloggers or whatever is not really high up on my list of threats to the future of women or humanity. If some dude wants to put some scantily clad girl on his blog and drool over her, frankly, I could give a shit. The myopic focus on this crap on many feminist blogs and magazines both bores and frustrates me -- there are real problems in the world! But is it sexist? Of course. Why deny it? Why try to make it into something it's clearly not? I love progressive men, but they are some of the worst offenders when it comes to being unable to own up to their own issues or admit when they're wrong. In the absence of a better, gender neutral alternative, man up already. I really don't get the point of getting your panties in a wad just because people expect more from you than being the online equivalent of a lad mag. High expectations -- how dare they?!

Other things that annoy me about the blogosphere:

• People who like to present themselves as snarky and sarcastic, but have no ability to detect snark or sarcasm from others.
• The fact that even though this blog has four regular posters, very few other bloggers or commenters bother to differentiate us or recognize that we are not a monolithic DAKOTAWOMAN.
• How mean it makes me want to be.
• The tendency for other bloggers to attribute views to us that we have never expressed and often do not hold.
• Almost all political blogging is critical -- looking at some news or public figure or something and commenting on it, often negatively. But when someone on DakotaWomen does it, it's almost always characterized as 'whining'. Now, this post is whining. I'm feeling whiny. Can you see the difference?
  
• Meta-blogging. So I'll stop now.

Operation Rescue Considers Buying Tiller's Clinic

Just when we thought Troy Newman couldn't get any more ridiculous...Troy Newman gets more ridiculous.

The link above is to a New York Times article wherein Newman announces intentions to buy Dr. Tiller's now-closed clinic from the Tiller family.

A spokesman for the family (rightly) called the idea a stunt, which gives me hope that even if Operation Rescue comes up with the cash, the family won't sell to them.

But on the day of the second right-wing domestic terrorist attack in a very short amount of time, this stunt makes it clearer than ever that Operation Rescue and like-minded folks are less than upset about Dr. Tiller's murder.

Gee, if I wanted to actually discourage further acts of violence against abortion providers, I probably wouldn't try so hard to capitalize on them. But that's just me.

Midweek Round Up

I have a growing number of tabs open on Firefox that are there to remind me of what I want to post to DakotaWomen, and then a week goes by and I never get to it. Here is the list of links that inevitably results from this procrastination:

• This column about Dr. Ben Munson and First Presbyterian Church in Rapid City has an interesting perspective about how we talk about abortion today.
• Tom Tomorrow's This Modern World doesn't pull any punches about the "rightwingoverse" view of Dr. Tiller's murder.
• I'm no anarchist, but this video has some points about sexism that could apply to almost any progressive movement.
• Finally, I've started a little side project called I Heart Vermillion where I'm going to list the many fabulous things I find in Vermillion, a topic well worth exploring but which might be boring to those who come to DakotaWomen looking for man-hating she-wolvery.

Sexism in the SD dude-o-sphere...

Just some history, while we wait for this to die down:

If you'll recall, the last attempt at a discussion in the SD blogosphere about sexism occurred right around this time last year, when about half of us at Dakota Women were actively supporting Hillary Clinton. The same folks were involved, and we saw the same attempts to deflect criticism and play the victim.

It's simply impossible to have a serious discussion about these issues when that's how folks react. Gee - it's almost like some people don't *want* to engage our thoughts substantively, or talk about the ways that sexism manifests itself in our little blogging world. Imagine that.

It's like the changing of the seasons, except perhaps more predictable...

(Was this shrill?)

Final Thoughts on WhinerGate

In true Todd fashion, so-called “Babe-gate” has gotten sensationalized and way out of control. And I’m just going to say it: if Todd would have actually taken a second to assess why it was that his fellow “lefties” had taken issue with him and his latest string of posts in the first place, rather than dramatize it all by continuing to throw absurd fuel on the ‘fire,’ it’s likely that this whole debacle could have been minimized or avoided all together.

Having a “Babe of the Day” in and of itself is just plain sexism. There’s no other way to cut it. And when that “Babe of the Day” becomes a credit to varied women for reasons that are false, ridiculous, or don’t exist at all (On Brook White, Epp stated “I don't know a thing about Brooke White other than she has a clean, simple, wholesome, girl next door look”) demands being called out for more than just simple, spottable sexism and that’s to be expected. If DakotaWomen suddenly started a “Stud of the Day” and featured the likes of Vin Diesel, Scott Heidepriem, or even Todd Epp himself :), we would without a doubt be questioned, called out, and likely called something worse than what we’ve been called in the past…and rightfully so. After all, this is the political blogosphere, right? And it’s disgusting that anyone, let alone one of the self-professed blogo-LIBERALS would even go there, let alone try to legitimate it at all by talks about traffic or worse, playing the victim card.

Todd did this to himself. He’s no victim.

This isn’t the first time that Todd has landed himself in a contradiction where he professes being progressive, a women’s rights supporter, a feminist, or similar title, while writing something via his blog that supports the opposite side of the claim. Many of us here have gone head to head with him and tried to explain the perhaps ungraspable reality of how it’s legit to expect more from people like Todd Epp than, say, Steve Hickey. This would be the same if Madville Times suddenly went “Girls Gone Wild” on us, but we know that would never happen. It sure seems that these days Todd is more interested in sparring with his allies and befriending the un-befriendable than having any real discussion that would lend itself to any amount of progress.

And just to clarify: I used Shannon Stevens as a good, bad example to illustrate how confused and off base Todd often is and I stand by it. But that’s not the only example of Todd’s randomly selective accolades to SD Women, which as Anna pointed out, seem too often to center not on what a woman does, but how she looks doing it. That, my friends, is just despicable and coming from someone of Todd’s position and experience, even more so. We should all demand accountability when a progressive blogger, politician, or non-profit’s staff person doesn’t put their money where there mouth is at the expense of the entire progressive movement or worse, women’s access to healthcare through the reality of what is public policy formation in the US.

I invite Todd to stop starting fires and start being real with himself and others. If he’s a pig, he should unapologetically be a pig. Need lessons? I’m sure SouthDacola can provide them. And if he truly values women in a non-objectification way, then let’s see it.

BREAKING: Tiller Family Closes Clinic

Just saw this from the AP:

WICHITA, Kan. (AP) _ The family of slain abortion provider George
Tiller said Tuesday that his Wichita clinic will be "permanently
closed," effective immediately.

In a statement released by Tiller's attorneys, his family said it
is ceasing operation of Women's Health Care Services Inc. and any
involvement by family members in any other similar clinic.

"We are proud of the service and courage shown by our husband and
father and know that women's health care needs have been met because
of his dedication and service," the family said.

Tiller was shot to death May 31 while serving as an usher at the
Lutheran church in Wichita that he regularly attended. Scott Roeder is
being held on charges of first-degree murder and aggravated assault in
Tiller's death.

Tiller's family said it will honor his memory through private
charitable activities.

Family members said they wanted to assure Tiller's previous
patients that the privacy of their medical histories and patient
records will remain "as fiercely protected now and in the future" as
they were during Tiller's lifetime.

While I understand the Tiller family's concern, this sends a dangerous message to would-be attackers out there that they can be successful in closing clinics through violence. Given that Tiller's accused shooter has warned of more violence to come, this is a pretty scary time to be a provider.


This also has pretty terrible implications for women seeking abortions. Not only does it raise serious access questions, but it sends a pretty basic message to them as well.


I guess sometimes, the terrorists win.


Update: The fabulous Jen Nedeau at Change.org has a great analysis of how this fits in with the larger Kansas political landscape, including some great background on the anti-Tiller attacks. Check it out here.

Todd Epp Embraces the Douche-a-tron

Yes, Todd Epp's latest stint is ridiculous and thanks to Rebecca and Cory, Angie, and Anna ( both below) for taking him to task. Through Todd's latest escapade, I was reminded of the ridiculously sexist Carls Jr. ad campaign, courtesy of Target Women of Infomania.



Also, where is he coming up with these so-called 'progressive babes?' Last time I checked, Shannon Stevens was pretty public after the 2008 election about the fact that she voted for the McCain/Palin ticket. Having taken a paycheck from the very organization of which she voted against, this seems counter-productive to the advance of the pro-choice agenda. I would question the 'progressiveness' of that 'babe.'

Anywho, Todd is free to continue to be the shotty "Esquire" of the blogosphere, but I hope he doesn't expect that anyone's going to take him as anything but that. I mean, what next? A deep analysis of "Manswers" and because his wife thinks it's funny, it's totally progressive? Give me a break...and meanwhile, get some substantive information...or at least do your homework. This is a gross disgrace of a progressive. And unfortunately, it isn't the first time.

Some thoughts on the "babe" kerfluffle...

Angie posted a lot of good links below about the controversy over Todd Epp's 'babes' and the controversy they've caused in the local blogosphere.

The discussion gives those of us who care about the objectification of women a lot to think about - as for me, I'm considering the place that DakotaWomen occupies in the local blogosphere. (As a way of getting at what I'm trying to say, here, I'm having a difficult time putting these thoughts together because I don't want to be accused by the guys in the blogosphere of being a whiner, or - god forbid - "shrill.") To be quite honest, I think it's rare that we get the respect we deserve - and I think more than a little of that has to do with the fact that this is a group blog whose contributors are all women under the age of 30.

I'll be the first to admit that the four of us tend to approach blogging from a more lighthearted perspective than many - though we're all fairly young, we've logged a lot of years of activist work on women's/LGBT issues in South Dakota and elsewhere. I think I'm the only one who has never been paid for my work, but, being the oldest, I suspect I top the other contributors in years of service. :) When you do the type of work that we do, you have to be able to laugh or you'll go insane. Our snarkier, more sarcastic posts, though, are labeled as "shrill," our lovely commenters refer to us as "rabid...man hating she-wolves," we're reprimanded for our tone and snidely told to be nicer, our responses to other bloggers are labeled "scoldings"...I'm sorry, but this simply doesn't happen elsewhere on the blogosphere. The experience we've gained through our activist work and through our educations (seriously, folks...more degrees than a thermometer among the DW crew) seems not to be taken too seriously. If, when I began blogging, you'd have told me that Ken Blanchard at South Dakota Politics would be the only person willing to engage what I had to say in any substantive fashion, I'd have told you that you were crazy. But there you have it.

Now that I've had the chance to look at Todd's posts, I finally understand why this happens. It's not enough that I'm headed toward a Ph.D. in my chosen field, or that another contributor just received a law degree. It's not important that we're lobbyists, strategists, educators, canvassers, envelope stuffers, ticket sellers, or board members. What's really important to liberal guys is that we look like Esquire models while we're doing it.

If only I was a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model working on a Ph.D. - THEN I'd be taken seriously.

Thanks for the heads up, Todd.

Something sexist at this way comes...

Perhaps you've noticed Todd Epp's recent discovery that articles about 'babes' drive traffic.


Although I think the new 'babes' theme is pretty gross, I can't say I'm all that surprised. Remember Todd nicknamed Hillary Clinton "The Pant Suit?" Kelsey also reminded me that DW has collectively been referred to as "shrill," which I'm pretty sure isn't a way Todd would ever describe men. (Author's note: the recent serious overhaul of SD Watch has made thoroughly searching archives impossible...hence the lack of links here).


I'm sure that Todd has good intentions, and perhaps doesn't get why a feature like "Today's Babe" is sexist. Happily, Cory at Madville Times and Rebecca at Flying Tomato Farms have both done excellent analysis of the situation.


Interestingly, one of the comments on the topic at Middle Boarder Sun asserts that "The women complaining are probably middle-aged feminists, women of mediocrity in looks and achievement." This may be counter intuitive, but the majority of the commentary on BabeGate has actually been from men....which is something that's apparently hard for people to wrap their heads around. I'm sure it's news to Cory that he's a middle-aged "ugly" woman.


I'm interested to see the results of the poll that Todd is running on the feature today, asking readers whether or not he should keep the 'babe' feature. If the poll shows a positive response from readers, does that really justify continuing the objectification of women in South Dakota? Is "they told me to do it" really a believable defense? We've also seen the Esquire defense of BabeGate (found in the above link), which fails to address the fact that objectification is crap when Esquire does it too. Yes, objectifying pretty women does drive traffic / sell magazines. But that doesn't make it less damaging. Is anything that makes money (no matter who it harms) permissible now?

And the tackiest billboard award goes to....

....PETA.

PETA has done some pretty awful ad campaigns in the past (the rejected Superbowl ad comes to mind, as does their UK ad that equates feeding kids meat with child abuse, and the Holocaust on Your Plate campaign), but this is pretty freaking low.

According to the Wichita Globe, PETA is using Dr. Tiller's shooting to get people to go vegetarian.

They've decided to run 2 new billboard in the Wichita area:



and




Wow. Barely 24 hours since the news of Dr. Tiller's murder, PETA has already found a way to use it to turd things up. Ridiculous.

More perspectives on the Tiller Murder

To add all little to Anna's great roundup below:

• One columnist points out that while only one man pulled the trigger, Tiller's killers were many. See also here and here.
• Melissa McEwan writes a great open letter to Pres. Obama, taking on the myth that "both sides are just as bad."
• Finally, in addition to the amazing stories from former patients that Anna linked to below, a DakotaWomen reader submitted this story on behalf of a friend who was a Tiller patient:
  

Words can not express how deeply saddened I am to hear of the thoughtless, horrific, senseless act which took place in a house of God, where an individual should be safe. He helped my family and countless others during some of their darkest moments. Although I wish I would have never heard of Dr. Tiller, and continued to think pregnancy always ended happily, I am very grateful he was there when we needed him. He was an amazing man with an unbelievable commitment to helping women. How many doctors drive to work in an armored vehicle and wear a bullet proof vest? No matter what your opinion, pro-life/pro-choice, Dr. Tiller was a husband, father, grandfather and friend taken needlessly.

Up until August of this year I would' ve considered myself pro-life. I've seen so many of the graphic photos of terminations that it just made me ill. I couldn't imagine why ANY woman would put themselves through such trauma. I always assumed that woman who used any type of termination service were unintended, healthy pregnancies. I now realize things aren't always black and white.

I am grateful to Dr. Tiller for making a horrible situation a little more tolerable. He didn't force us into making a decision. He was able to provide us with information many local/regional doctors were not, and he gave us the option to have some control over the most difficult time in our lives.

I want to give a little background about myself. I am an educated, happily married 28-year-old woman. I have one child and this was a WANTED pregnancy.

Our world crashed when we found out something was seriously wrong during a routine ultrasound at 22 weeks (5 1/2 months). We were told our unborn daughter had a two-vessel cord, her heart was on the wrong side (fluid around the heart - leading to failure), ribs were butterflied, lung abnormalities, and spine was missing pieces & fragmented. Her facial bones were abnormal as well as her brain development. She also had dislocated, frog-like hips and her tailbone was missing. Two doctors at two major hospitals, one perinatal, had no idea what to tell us. They had never seen this before.

We underwent a level 2 ultrasound and asked various questions of the technician. She answered as much as she could but we would have to wait for the perinatologist. Once the perinatologist entered the room, we knew something was terribly wrong, she had tears in her eyes. She started to explain to us the abnormalities they had discovered with our child. One of the first questions out of my mouth was can it be fixed? Was there ANYTHING that could be done to save my very wanted pregnancy? The doctor flat out told us "No". I can not explain to you how I felt except for that I felt that my world crashed. Pregnancy is supposed to be happy. For me personally, it killed me inside to know that I was carrying a child that would not live. As horrible as it sounds, feeling her kick had turned from a joyous feeling to unbearable. I thought I was going to die of a broken heart. The second question we asked was about quality of life. We were told "zero" and that her deformities were 'incompatible with life". If she survived to term and birth, which was very doubtful, our child would be in constant pain and have numerous inoperable conditions. We were informed we had one of two options, continue pregnancy or terminate. Back pain alone can bring the strongest man to his knees. Imagine a whole body in that condition? My baby's heart was showing signs of failure. It was beating but not 'working'. My heart was supporting my body as well as hers, causing adverse affects on me. If something could have been done for my child, ANYTHING, I would have done it. There was also the very real fact my daughter could be left without a mother. It's a lot to absorb in a very short amount of time.

We had our baby baptized before we left for Kansas and our minister was incredibly supportive.

We were referred to Dr. Tiller in Wichita, Kansas. I PRAYED that the doctors were wrong. We underwent an additional ultrasound when we arrived in Kansas, and nothing would've made me happier than to hear the doctors were wrong and we could go home to have a happy baby. Obviously those prayers were not answered. Our WANTED child had Caudal Regression syndrome (a very rare syndrome affecting 1 in 75,000) as well as numerous other anomalies.

Through HOURS of research I have found someone that also suffers from Caudal Regression syndrome. My conversations with her were extremely enlightening. She explained to me that while it IS possible to live with this syndrome, there are differing degrees of severity. Sadly, my daughter had a very severe case. She informed me that in her opinion we made the right decision.

Dr. Tiller and his staff were absolutely wonderful. We were given the option of having our baby baptized, the option to see/hold/name her, prints of her hands/feet (which I now have her footprints tattooed on my wrist), a certificate of her delivery, the option to take photos and medical xrays.

While these sound bizarre (at first I couldn't imagine seeing my daughter, let alone holding/naming her) I treasure everything I was provided with. I would have deeply regretted not doing or taking advantage of these options.

It has partly become my mission to bring awareness to people about infant loss. We were greeted by protesters upon our arrival and departure during our week in Wichita and I just had to feel sad for them. The first day consisted of numerous crosses on the lawn, which I had assumed were in honor of babies that had passed away. I was wrong. Either later that day or the next day we were greeted with signs of aborted fetuses (in pieces) on billboards. We also had men and women pound on our car window as we entered saying to my husband, "Sir, you don't have to kill your baby." They obviously have never been in my shoes, and I honestly hope they never have to. Located next door to Dr. Tiller's clinic is a pro-life clinic that offers 3D ultrasounds. I would have loved to see them tell me that all the other doctors were wrong, but mostly I would have just wanted the chance to see my daughter one more time.

It seems the most 'active' anti-termination people tend to be men, and most often I'm sure they have not had to endure such a difficult situation as this. There isn't a day that goes by that my heart doesn't ache. I still have panic attacks when I talk about my darling little girl, not because of Dr. Tiller, but because this type of thing isn't supposed to happen. I have a 2-year-old daughter and she should've had a baby sister around the 12th of December.

Still lots to say...

The analysts in the women's health and reproductive rights arenas are still sorting out exactly what Dr. Tiller's death will mean for women who need late-term abortion services. It looks pretty dire, unfortunately, as anti-abortion extremists have been pretty effective at intimidating providers out of taking on these necessary services. The article I linked is particularly effective, I think, in putting the lie to the anti-choice notion that Tiller performed abortions on women who woke up in their eighth month and decided not to have a baby. (Activists who pushed this lie, by the way, are undoubtedly at least partially responsible for Tiller's death.)

There's been some pretty heated discussion going on in the local blogosphere about all of this as well - Todd Epp first sounded the alarm, and I think Cory really hits the nail on the head regarding some of the concern that bloggers have about DooHickey's reaction to all of this. For all of his bitching to the contrary, he really hasn't issued a condemnation of the murder that wasn't couched in a bunch of other language that essentially praises it. When called on it, he whines and stomps his feet, but his words are out there for everyone to see - as Todd and Cory both pointed out, probably more eloquently than I can right now. Cory boils it down in the comments to his post:

Your message is completely mixed, couched in language that lets future killers pick out the justificatory messages they want and lets you pick out the excuses you need when we call you on it.

DooHickey seems to be part of the happy little right wing family that filled the suspect's head with the rhetoric that led him to kill.